Getting Unstuck series # 2: How to Change Your Outcomes

Getting Unstuck series # 2- How to Change Your Outcomes.

Let's assume you are on the right path, you have found your vocation and your FLOW. But somehow things are not happening for you. You are not HAVING the outcomes you want. Solution? Be prepared to change what you are Doing and Being.

If you continue to BE and DO the same things, over and over, it is inevitable that you will get the same HAVE.

"Craziness is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result" as the famous quote suggests.

So with the BE-DO-HAVE formula, the easiest place to start here is with DO. Your habits and routines. Your 'ways'. If they are not bringing you success, it is time to review them. I have coached people who have been very insistent that they needed to maintain their normal routines and habits. Sure, routines are part of our comfort zone. But if you are trying to change your current reality, the new reality you are seeking is outside your comfort zone. Therefore you are going to have to make some changes to be able to move out of your comfort zone. The good news is that this can be done gradually, you don’t have to severely shock yourself. Gently changing your routines and habits will begin to steer you towards a new life.

Look at what is important to you. Look at what you are trying to achieve. The business people I have coached have often sacrificed something. Their weekly squash games, or their evenings of television watching, or some aspects of their social life, to be able to put more focus on creating their business. Starting a new enterprise, creating a new life, can take a tremendous amount of time and energy. If your time and energy is devoted to what you would NORMALLY do, you are not going to be able to create a new reality.

People such as musicians and actors have 'agents' who are supposedly helping them to get work. I have coached people in these professions who have bypassed their agents, by going out and creating their own opportunities. This led them to success.

DO what you have to DO. Do not do what you normally do.

Remember, what you are DOING and BEING is causing what you are HAVING. Is this not resonating with you? Sometimes my clients have not appreciated this idea until I ask them to spend some time examining this formula in their own life. It can be a harsh exercise for some. Sure, other people have an influence on us and influence where we have ended up. But how we reacted or responded to them, the choices and decisions we made, that is on us. This is the tough reality of life. We have to own our life as much as possible. So if you don't like your current reality, sit down and do that exercise. Write out in your journal your answers to this question:-

What have you been DOING and BEING that has caused your current reality?

The end result of this simple exercise is a feeling of greater CONTROL. If you can begin to CONTROL your circumstances more and more, you can become CAUSE. And you can CREATE a new life. You can be self-determined, rather than 'other-determined'.

BEING refers to our identity. And yes, this is more challenging. Identity is a cluster of beliefs and attitudes. It includes your values, which are your highest aspirations, the qualities you most want in yourself and in your life. Values, beliefs, attitudes- all of these can be adjusted in such a way that you can begin to win. Change your identity? Really? Yes, this is possible. You are not set in stone.

Take into account that your identity has been formed down through the years, as a result of the influence of your parents and caregivers, your teachers, and other significant people around you. As you grew, you had to learn how to 'fit in' with others so that you didn’t miss out on the benefits of being in a group. Then you had to become agreeable and likeable to try to win romantic partners. This is largely what your 'identity' is, a construct that has little to do with your authentic self. You are walking around as a pastiche of notions of life that may or may not be serving you well.

If you did the exercise above, you will be getting some insight into this. Common answers from that exercise are "I have been a wimp for too long"…."I need to stop being a Victim"…"It's like I have been a spectator for most of my life"…"I have been my mother and father in how I handled so many situations, because that is all I knew, I didn’t know how to be myself". And so on.

There can be quite a bit of work required to changing your identity. Self-examination, and the development of self-awareness, are vital.

Beliefs are filters that serve you by cancelling out the need to keep re-evaluating situations, people, and the general information that comes in on you each day. However, some of your beliefs need to be reassessed. They have become stale and useless. Some people have a feeling, often something that is not easily put into words, that they are unworthy in some way. If you don’t believe you are worthy of success, you will not experience success. If you are getting close to succeeding, but you feel worthless inside, you will find ways of avoiding that success.

I have worked with clients who often say something like "Oh that is just me" or "No, I don’t do that". I ask clients at the beginning of a formal coaching program "Are you willing to change yourself? Are you willing to explore and re-evaluate your beliefs and attitudes? This may be challenging, and you may feel unnerved. But if I ask you to reconsider something you are saying that you believe to be totally true…how will you respond?"

In sessions of a more therapeutic nature, I sometimes get people to journey through a day in 'their own life, but from a 'meta' point of view. 'Meta' means stepping outside of ourselves, and looking at our life from the outside. As though we are in ghost form, our own ghost, dropping into the past to view ourselves. Then go through a day from that perspective, watching ourselves and asking "How is that person going? What does that person need in their life? What could that person be doing differently that would change their life? Could they achieve a change in attitude that might help them to be doing better in life?"

The comforting aspect of all personal change is simply this- All the work of personal change, therapy and coaching and self-improvement courses, is to find and become your AUTHENTIC SELF.

This is what I mean about 'Being in Flow'. As your Authentic Self, life becomes so much easier. You know who you are, you know what your purposes in life are, and you get on with them.

The beliefs, habits, routines and so on that you think are serving you, are not necessarily part of who you really are.

FIND OUT WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

Trust me on this. The oldest wisdom we have comes from the yoga philosophers. Wisdom that is thousands of years old. Your egoic self needs to be released. You are not what your family told you that you need to be. You are not what your school told you that you need to be. You are not what any religion or group is telling you that you need to be. Your egoic self is made up of these clusters of false messages. You have notions of being fixed in your identity because you believe, wrongly, that this is keeping you 'safe'. No, it is an illusion, the viewpoint of a false self. Be prepared to surrender all of this, and return to being your true self.

Feeling stuck? Success is eluding you? Change what you are DOING and BEING and new outcomes, a new HAVE, will be the result.

Copyright - Conscious Gain -June 2026

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